Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
