Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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