11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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