she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
