you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
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Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
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I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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