I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
