How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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