No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
