Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
