Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
