I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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