She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
