What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
