Only a mothe r could love this liver
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Also, beer. Big fan.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
