I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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