Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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