I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
