You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
