i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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