Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
