You're my little dorito
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
