this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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