so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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