you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
