I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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