She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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