so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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