TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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