i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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