I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
