I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
