Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
