Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
