Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
