He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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