I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Mom said you looked used
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
