The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
