i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
