am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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