Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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