His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
