was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
