my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
