Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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