ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
