Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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