I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
