She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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