Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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