Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
