There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
