can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
