Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
