My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize