Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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