happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
