ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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