if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
