in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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